


The Mis-Adventure of Curse Breaker and Dragon Tamer

by GilaKomik



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Badass Charlie, Badass bill, But The Crew are batshit insane, Cross Post in FF.Net, Fangirl, Gen, The Company are Crazy, my first post
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-11
Updated: 2015-05-11
Packaged: 2018-03-30 02:36:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3919717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GilaKomik/pseuds/GilaKomik
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bill should know better, every rumour had an ounce of truth in it. Mad Eye Moody probably rolling in his grave for his lack of Constant Vigilance. Now, he in different reality with his brother and his crazy crew. On the way to slay the dragon. Merlin help him...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer : Not Mine
> 
> Warning : Bad Grammar, Un-Beta-ed, English not my native
> 
> (---------------------)
> 
> Source of plot bunny : Triwizard Tournament
> 
> Fandom : Harry Potter and The Hobbit
> 
> Pairing : None
> 
> Warning : Fangirl

Charlie Weasley and his co- worker are considering slightly insane by magical population, for working with the dragons. Unfortunately they were right, accept they aren't slightly insane, these people are downright crazy. During one of their drinking night, Bill Weasley join his brother and his co-worker after been kick out from his house by his wife and sister in laws for their girls night, that he realise this tiny bit rumor are true. A little bit late as his muddle brain watch the runes he made with dragon blood glows and the last thing he remember were a cackling laughter of his brothers coworker.

Weasley brothers and co worker end up on Middle Earth, specifically Bag End of Shire shy a week before the arrival of the Company. The humble owner of Bag End, while flustered and shock with the sudden arrival of them, happily allow them to stay there until they find a way to their world after he know the truth. Not all the truth mind you, they did tell who they are, but not the fact that they are the dragon tamer or in Bill case, a curse breaker and more importantly about their magic.

The arrival of the dwarves caught their attention. Of course being a trouble maker and brothers of the prankster twins, Bill and Charlie easily control the dwarves easily much to relief of Bilbo Baggins. Bill decides, whatever business these dwarves had with Bilbo Baggins was none of their problem and they should concentrate in finding way home. Of course everything went down the drain with the arrival of Gandalf and later the leader of the Company, Thorin Oakenshield. Bill only sighs in resignation, when the motive behind the gathering was reveal. Dragon. Of course it would be a bloody dragon. When Gandalf ask them, if they were interested in joining their quest, Bill (somehow been elected as leader) tempted to say no. But he could feel his brother and his co worker stare behind his back along with a promise of painful retribution if he turns down. He simply agree before turn to the crazy dragon tamer to curse them hell and back before being hug by his brother and his co-worker to death.

* * *

Co worker no 1 had caught in experiment blast that end up with him / her speak Gaelic only. They unable to reverse him / her back to normal. Somehow, he / her and Bifur manage to understand each other perfectly fine. They quickly become best friend at the beginning o the journey.

"Did they realise that they speak in different language?"

"Beats me. Why don't you ask them,"

"..."

* * *

The Weasley brothers and Charlie co workers are adequate fighter with weapons, hazards of the job. For the dragon tamers, most of their swords are made with dragons bones while Bill sword is goblin made. Each and every one of them had an extendable pouch with notice me not and sticking charms at their hips.

Someone from the company ask about their weapons, and their reaction make them laugh.

* * *

The Wargs attack them, on the full moon. Bill, who being trying to control his werewolf side, snapped and growls dangerously back at the wargs pack. The younger one become docile but the older one fight back and the battle of alpha start. Bill easily slaughters all of the warg with his enhanced ability.

" What the hell happen here!"

"Oh nothing, it just a full moon,"

"What that supposed to mean?"

* * *

The meetings with elves of Rivendell are fine. Because of the fight with the wargs, he pass out and Charlie become their leader until he wakes up. He tell Elrond about their problem, he agree to help them.

Co worker no 1 sing a song while the rest of his / her team simply sighing at him/ her. Bifur burst out crying much to their chagrin.

"Damn... that must be a truly sad song, Bifur even cry!"

"It a song about ... well… er… anyway there's nothing sad about it!,"

"Yes... there nothing sad about that,"

"Huh... well as long as they happy, who's care,"

"Hear... hear,"

* * *

They force to reveal magic when been capture by goblin king.

"So when all of you will going to tell us about that,"

"How about never. It seems like a good time to erase their memory right now, right Charlie?"

"Do it and we march back to Shire, dragon be damn,"

"Sorry guys, my brother say no,"

"ANSWER ME GOOD DAMNIT!"

* * *

Their got separate during attack by Azog. More specifically, all of them fell down the cliff. Since they were wizard, simply use magic to land.

"Well that's was fun"

*smack*

"Oww... what the hell Bill,"

"Nothing, suddenly I having the urge to hit you Charlie,"

"Don't you think you become violent recently?"

"I know,"

"Guys... I think they hitch the eagle... It's not fair... I want to ride the eagles.."

* * *

Meeting with Beorn was nothing out of ordinary; after all they did have giant and shape shifter.

* * *

**Forest of Mirkwood**

"This bring back memories my fourth year"

"So… do I want to know what you did Forbidden Forest?"

"Obviously not looking for spiders or ugly snake..."

"Right..."

"You guys are crazy,"

"Thanks! " "We know,"

* * *

**Meeting the spider...**

"Mahal... ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL US!?"

"Of course not! We killing the spider,"

*snort* "... more like burning them alive..."

"Hush you... let us enjoying this glorious moment,"

* * *

**Meeting Thranduil**

Let just say, the insult out of the Weasley brother mouth before they reach the throne. The bad blood between Malfoy and Weasley didn't' end just the war over. Add with the stress and full moon, Bill lips are more loose than normal leaving the rest almost turn to blue with laughter. In their defend, Thranduil look too much like Lucius, much to the Company and the Elves confusion.

Of course later, Bill was sane enough, offer to charm all the arrow into flame arrow after rest of the elves seeing the burning carcass. He reassure the prince and the captain that the arrow only effective on spider only. He still refuses to apologize to Thranduil though.

In the end, they still escape by barrel.

"Well that was fun... we should do again next time,"

* * *

**Lake Town...**

"What did you do with Master and his man, William? He looks deliriously happy,"

"Oh that, I just grant their wishes, Master Balin,"

"What kind of wishes?"

"Apparently they demand a payment for our entrance, so I'm giving them,"

"Ohhh... Charlie, you said your brother was a law abiding citizen?"

"Thats Percy, you dolt. Bill is just as bad as the rest of us. He just better at hiding it,"

"You?"

"I work with you. That should say something about me,"

"Mum gonna have a heart attack after this,"

"Did you understand what they're saying Bilbo?"

"No, frankly I don't care anymore..."

**Something bad coming this way…**

Bill watches one of Charlie co-worker warily. He notice when they end up here, no 4 was giddily happy and there's time at Carrock when Thorin thanks Bilbo and manly hug him, no 4 almost explode (literally and figuratively) into happiness. Now, no 4 keep giggling at whatever no 4 write in parchment and give the same look his mother gives to Charlie. Bill can't help but shudder. The last time he tried to help Charlie, his mother threaten to cut his hair. He can only pray those two will survive whatever plan no 1 had for them.

No 4 look at the dwarves, especially Thorin and Bilbo and had to restrain from cackling madly. No 4 is actually a muggleborn witch; her mother was an English Professor, so yes, she knows where they are actually. She had a whole collection of books and movies about them. Oh and those two… yeah… her co-worker and Dori had been fussing and mother hen her when she suddenly develop a sudden nose bleed a couple time starting from Carrock and on the way to Beorn house. She look down at her parchment and let out a mad giggling, ignoring the look giving by dwarves, hobbit and her co-workers. One of her bucket list had been up to number one priority and she swore to get it done before they continue their journey to Erebor.

Meanwhile, Thorin and Bilbo feel imminent doom and can't help but shudder.

**Event they never spoke, even under the threat of death**

After the party and drinking competition, the dwarves and hobbit sprawling on the floor unconscious. Bill, Charlie and the rest of them laugh openly at them, No 4 especially. Then again none of them ever taste the firewhiskey. After making sure they truly out of it, no 4 use a spell to bring Thorin and Bilbo into the bed. She simply giving a Look at the rest of her friend completely miss the look of alarm Bill give Charlie or the give up shrug Charlie give to his brother. After she positions both of them on the bed, she whips out the camera and start to cackling madly.

The next morning, the Company, Bill and Charlie wake up at the sound of Bilbo screaming coming from Thorin room, which cause a lot of thing happens. It took them at least two hours to calm down with occasional death threat coming from Thorin. By the times all of them coming down from breakfast, they saw no 4 sitting in front of fireplace who cooing softly at a leather book. No 4 look up at them, her eyes gazes toward Thorin and Bilbo causing her to giggle before continue stroking her book.

"What happen to her?,"

"Hell if I know,"

"Don't tell me, she the one…"

"Thorin! Put the sword down!,"

"Uncle calm down! Bilbo help!,"

"Wh.. Why me?!"

"Settle down everyone. No Thorin, you can't hit her. I doubt she has anything to do with that,"

"You're sure lad?,"

"No… but pretty sure if you do anything to her, none of you will reach Erebor in one piece,"

"… Fine. Just keep her away from me,"

"I'll try. No promise, but I'll try,"

"Good..,"

"Myyy… precciiioouusssss….,"

* * *

**Arriving at the Erebor secret door**

Bill could feel the disappointment in the air when the company unable to find the key hole. He raises his eyebrow when Dwalin tried to break the door with his knuckle dusters. He simply sighs before making a sharp loud whistle to gather their attention.

"Good, now I got your attention, Dwalin stop bashing your weapon at the wall its pointless. Thorin stop brooding, it's not the end of the world yet. Balin, Ori, tell me again about the map and the door,"

It took them a few second before they gather their bearing and re told about it. It only took a few minute before Bill sigh and look at the rest of the company.

"You guys... I wonder what will happen if I wasn't here,"

"Probably sulking and brooding like nobody business,"

"Kili!"

"What!"

"Stop! Now... it says here the door appear at the end of Durin Day, am I right?"

" Aye, but.."

"It's not the sun, it's the moon, lets await for few more hours, it will appear soon,"

"Are sure lad?"

"Of course he is. This is his job,"

"Job?"

"Yeah, like Indiana Jones mix with National Treasure,"

"Uhhh... what and what?"

"Forget it Kili, forget it..."

* * *

**Before facing the Smaug**

Charlie and the rest of hos co worker had changed their cloth. All of them wearing a dragon skin jackets, gloves and boots. All of them carried various equipment that cause all the company look at them warily.

"What it this?"

"Well we're facing the dragon Thorin, what do you think it is?"

"Bilbo..."

"Bilbo will be doing his job while we, will be doing our REAL JOBS,"

"And thats is...?"

"Kill or capture the dragon,"

**Meeting the Smaug**

"Aren't you such a beautiful..." croon co worker no 3 while stroking Smaug cheek. The dragon did try to burn all the intruder, but they simply jump out of the way. After a couple more try which end up in failure, he roar in frustration before lights from various direction hits between his eyes and before he can fight back, he feel his body slowly froze, he try to fight back before another batch of light him again and again until he no longer can move. He fall back on his hoard and look at those insolent Men. For the first time Smaug feel a horror creep inside in mind. He will his body to move and he can feel his tail twitching but that cause another batch of light hit him. He move his eyes look at the Men who gather in front of him, all of them raise their hand, before he knew a batch of red light hit him and he gone.

The company can hear the dragon roars, the moment they hears it, all of them rush forward leaving Bill who walk leisurely behind them. He knows Charlie and his co worker could handle the dragon. Well if he dead, he just ask Harry to revive him back and taunt him for the rest of his life. Meanwhile the company arrive and the scene, can't help but gawking at the scene in front of them. Their burglar have been shove to the side for safety, the group of young Men, the crazy, happy go lucky and downright insane who travelling with them no longer there. In their stead, there a group of Men, who knew what they're doing, attacking the dragon and succeed. They watch the group sending light after light toward Smaug before he fell and they gather in front of him before raise their hand and send the red light toward the dragon before he stop twitching.

"See... I told you they could handle them," said Bill casually behind their back. None of the company will they you that they scream like the girl.

**What to do with the Smaug.**

They know the dragon could wake up anytime soon, so their quickly bind his wings, tail and legs with various bind from diamond, dragon bones, metals cuffs to a simple ropes. All of them have runes craft into them just for holding the dragon. Lastly, the put a muzzle at him and lots of ropes to hope to hold him down. That's how co worker no 3 have been croon at him.

"Can we keep him?"

"I don't know, can we boss?"

"He can speak, it different from other,"

"He also a psychopath,"

"So are we..."

"Please... I promise I take a good care of it, bath it, and take him for walk..."

"He's not a dog! Beside, how the hell we going to drag him out of thisl!?"

"Magic," chorus the rest.

"Beside I think we need the dragon blood to take us back home,"

"Bill!"

"Are sure about this?"

"Positive... I remember that I draw runes using a blood. Now I know it's a dragon blood,"

"If you say so..."

They end up using the shrinking spells on the dragon, it takes couple time before it small enough to put him in aquarium with all the money they got from trolls hoard. With Bill help they manage to reinforce the glass. By the look Smaug give, it's a reasonably cause.

* * *

**Dragon magic, gold sickness and Thorin really need to stop to ignore Bill**

From the top of the stairs, Bill look down at the Treasury room, can't help but growl with irritation. After they remove Smaug from the room, Bill had told Thorin... no he downright forbid Thorin and the rest of the Company to enter the room. He can feel the magic in that room so thick, he can cut it off with knife. Thorin, damn the stubborn dwarves he is ignoring the warning and enter the room, of course the rest of them follow their king. Even Balin the most sensible one of them. He knew about the gold sickness, having accidently hears about it from Lord Elrond and Gandalf conversation. He politely ask (more like demand) them to elaborate it to him. He had seen the sign halfway to Erebor but he thought they know how to fight it. Looks like he was wrong, now they slowly going down into the madness with Thorin and his nephews falling faster than the rest of them. Bill sighs tiredly, he really likes Thorin, and somehow Thorin remind him of Harry during the war. How both of them truly do their best to protect other. Now... now he reminds Bill when Ron suddenly appears in front of his house that time. His eyes full of madness, he and Fluer thought he was an enemy and almost end up attack him. He never told them what happen (he now know), it took a few hours before the madness gone and replace by regret and guilt. Only when he threatening to tell their mother that Ron agrees to stay. A sound of footsteps broke him from his thought. Charlie stands by his side and look down.

"It's getting worse,"

"I know, how the dragon?"

"We're taking turn to re-cast the spell every three hour. Anddd... because they boring, they decide to fix the gate. No 2 distracting Bilbo with information about dragon. I think somehow No 2 manage to capture Smaug interest"

"Did I ever tell you how crazy you guys are?"

"Every time, now how do we deal with them?"

"Cognitive recalibration,"

"Annnddd that's will be?"

"Hits their head as hard as you could,"

"As hard as you could," Charlie look at the dwarves, then back at his brother "Righttt... just so you know, we're out of pain reliever potion,"

"Don't been an idiot Charlie, that's out of question. You know how hard their head is,"

"So?" Bill simply shows him a Sleeping draught potion at Charlie. "You going to spike their food,"

"Nope..." Bill raise his wand and cast a few spell at the vial before it glow briefly and throw down into Treasury room. Both of them could see the vial broke before smokes engulf all the dwarves. They could hear their voice, shouted in alarm and panic before one by one they fall asleep. Bill only chuckle while waving his wand to disperse the smoke.

"You... you really angry aren't you Bill?" Bill only continue to chuckle.

* * *

Bill simply orders his brother to take all the dwarves out of the Treasury room to the main gate before going down. He then spends at least two hours checking every corner and crevice to make sure there are no hidden passages before sealed the main door. He then walks toward the gate, by the time he get there, his brother co worker already build the tent outside the gate, he simply nodded to the rest who simply lounging outside the tent and firmly ignore No 2 who somehow trying to teach Smaug the dogs trick and enter the tent. Inside laid thirteen dwarves on the cots with one Mr. Baggins hovering each one of them worriedly. He then assures Mr. Baggins that everything was fine. Yes, he knocks them out, that because they need it. No, there's no permanent damage no matter how much he wish it. Which he should not said it out loud judging the glare he receives. Charlie, knowing same thing will happen to Mr. Baggins if he continue to glare at Bill, quickly steer him out of the tent. Bill nod as a thanks at his brother.

The first ten dwarves are easy to treat. Bill simply slips a small amount of Dreamless and Calming Draught into them and he can see slowly the curse wears off. However, for the Royal lines, it didn't work out. He still can see the trace of madness on their faces. He then grabs another vial and sighs softly. It was one of his muggle friend inventions. It was inspire from one of his favorite tv show. The pearly white liquid inside the vial contain African Dream Root as one of its main ingredient, it use to invoke the prophetic dreams. But mix it with other ingredient, it will create nightmare to those who ingest it. They usually used it on their co worker who fell under the curse of pleasant dream with no way to wake them up. Bill roll the vial in his palm before coming to the decision and put two drop in Fili and Kili mouth and four drop in Thorin mouth before going out of the tent, joining Mr. Baggins who look amaze at No2 training with Smaug.

Bill tried not to panic, he truly is. It's been five hours since he administering the potion, the rest of the company already awake. All of them show no sign of madness, Fili and Kili look worst than wear but that's was expecting. The problem was, Thorin still not awake and by the glaring given by the rest of them, its better been sooner. He quickly stands up and walk toward the tent when a loud scream, a scream of terror coming from the tent. Before he could do anything, Dwalin roughly shove him aside before running toward the tent follow by the rest of the company including Mr. Baggins. Bill look at Charlie before shrugging walk inside the tent. He won't say anything about how deathly pale Thorin is, or how he hug his nephew tightly or how he keep mumbling to the rest of them. What he says was how glad he is to see him truly awake and conscious before get out of the tent once more. He couldn't help but smile seeing the trace of madness completely gone from Thorin face.

* * *

**The Valar found the loophole**

Mahal look down at the Men that try to help his child. He truly wants to help his child through this obstacle but he knows he was forbidden to. So when he saw what Men child to do, he simply grabs the opportunity and shows his child what happened if he keep going down the road he is now. He also adds a bit flair and dramatic effect in it. The result? Let's just say he really please with it.

* * *

**The meeting of three armies**

Balin didn't know what Thorin dream off when he fall asleep but he please when there are no sign of madness in him. He and Dwalin also surprise how easily he offers some gold to Bard for him to rebuild the Dale in exchange for his and his men for help in upcoming war. He only stares in shock and dimly hears the sound of Dwalin war hammer fall on the ground when Thorin offer the same for Thranduil. But there nothing compare to Thranduil face. Oh how he treasure those expression till he die. Better yet, he will ask Ori to draw it.

"Lad, I must ask, what did you see in that dream?" he ask Thorin while they preparing for the war. Thorin pause for moment before shudder.

"My foolishnes..." and he refuse to say more.

**The Battle of Five Armies**

"Are we going to join them?"

"Well, we have come this far..."

Sigh "Yes, we will join them. All of you can use your magic freely. No Unforgiveable!"

"Okie Dokie,"

"No 2! Where the hell are you going?!"

"Somewhere!"

"No 2 getting the dragon isn't?"

"Ooooo... Smaug darling~~~"

_'Intensifying glare'_

"Now, now darling... such look doesn't befitting you. Now, I have a proposition to you,"

_'Look at No 2 with interest'_

"Good, I will let you out and return you to quarter... ah... ah... only quarter of your size only of you help us in this war,"

_'Glaring before huffing agree'_

'I know you can talk, come on how long are you going to sulk, I'm kind enough to let you out, you should thank me instead,"

_'Fine, I agree mortal. Now let me out of here!'_

"Laughing maniacally,"

"Charlie! I need a saddle!"

"What for? We don't have a horse,"

"Not horse saddle, dragon saddle,"

"Where's yours?"

"Misplace... . ehehhehe,"

"Smaug agree then?"

"Well I may or may not omit the part where we will riding him,"

"Wait, wait! Are you going to ride Smaug? The dragon? Chieftain of Calamity and whats not?"

"Yeah, you guys got to ride the eagles, so we got the right to ride the dragon..."

"IT'S TWO DIFFERENT THING!""

* * *

**Aftermath of the Battle**

The moment Thorin Oakenshield behead Azog the Defiler, Dwarves, Elves and Mens know they have won the war. They fight with more enthusiasm, killing any orc or goblin that tries to run away. The casualties of the war on their side are much lower than anyone anticipating. There will be song, about the courage and valor of their fallen comrade. Also lots, lots of alcohol deliver from Lake Town, Greenwood and Erebor for all who participate in the war. Who gladly drink themselves to forget what happen, what TRULY happen in the war. Accept for a young scribe who soon will become the Royal Scribe, Ori. He firmly ignores all the merry around him, concentration on his parchment writing the event that happen before. Even what truly happen. He write about a group of questionable sanity Men with magic, stone giants that appear out of nowhere whom happily stomp their enemy, plants that devours the enemy, a burst of light the rendered the enemy, random explosions, or the dwarf statues that suddenly move and swinging its axe toward enemy shouting in Khuzdul and Smaug, quarter in his size flying in the sky occasionally breath his fire towards enemy and follow by laugh by those who ride on him.

At the sound of something been drag broke Ori from his writing. He suddenly realize the camp became quiet, he look up and saw Smaug back to his smaller size, was piggy back ride No 2 with his tail on the ground swishing lazily. No 2 was scratching Smaug chin while walking toward Charlie.

"Charlie..."

"What...?"

"Call me Khaleesi,"

"Fuck no,"

Hmm... Let not forget, a Men/Women with ability to tame the dragon, mused Ori.

* * *

**Click your heels three times to go home**

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

Smack! Smack!

"Ouch! What the hell… William! I'm not your bleeding brother!"

"Somehow I feel like it with you idiocy. Remember the spell correctly and no clicking! I'm going to break you leg if you did that!"

"Wow... someone grumpy,"

"Aren't you happy darling~~~ we're going home! Oh there are a lots and lots of thing I'm going to introduce to you~~~"

'Don't forget the female dragon you promise to me'

"Of course not"

"Bye everyone! By Billbo!"

"Good bye... and be safe!"

"Ready?"

"YES!"

"Good lets go home,"

**Home sweet Home**

"That will be the first and the last time I'm going out to drink with you and your friend Charlie,"

"Hahhaha... well they're not that BAD,"

*snort* "Yeah right... what happen with Smaug?"

"He's in happy place right now,"

"If anything happen, I will blame all of you,"

"Okay... so about drinking night..."

"No Charlie, I'm not joining you next week,"

"Biiilllll..."

"No and that's final,"

"Bah... so with who are you going to?"

"Don't know yet,"

**Bill should know better, Harry and Ron are far crazier than Charlie and his co-worker**

"Urghhh... my head, where am I?"

"Umm, you're in Tatooine sir,"

"Wha...?"

"Are you a Jedi sir?"

"Goddamit..."

* * *

**What happen with Thorin, Fili and Kili**

Well... they survive the war, free from the gold madness and completely traumatize. They still refuse to tell the other what they see in their dream. When the Arkenstone was found, three of them complete agree to throw it into the Mount Doom. Only with Daín, Dís and Balin advice (read threatening them) them they agree to lock in the strongest box they can build and keep it buried deep in the treasury room. They also refuse to enter the room. Permanently. Of course then Thorin become the King of Erebor. There's one accident where Thorin and his nephews lock Balin, Oin and Ori into the dungeon when the three of them suggest campaign to retake the Moria. But that's will be in the future.

**And the rest of the Dwarves...**

They live happily ever after; accept for Balin, Oin and Ori who get thrown into the dungeon for a while. Dori and Nori still pissed and plot to hit both Fili and Kili (they thought those two have something in this mess) Dwalin and Bofur laughing themselves silly and the rest only shake their head.

**For the Elves of Mirkwood**

Thranduil rather forget those Mens even exist, Legolas and Tauriel silently making arrangement with Ori to get the full transcript of what truly happen in the throne room. If somehow, those transcript end up in Rivendell in the hand of the twin or Haldir in Lothorien, it wasn't them.

**For one Mr. Baggins, the Hobbit of Shire**

Bilbo did return back to Bag End after the war. He probably set out for another adventure after a legendary dressing down of Lobelia Sackville-Baggins that left the woman in tears, if not the premature death of his cousin, Drogo and Primula and willingly adopt baby Frodo. He also had a pleasure watching Thorin to faint after seeing Frodo. In Thorin defend, not many know about the hobbit and the truth of what truly happen in Lake Town (although Charlie assure them more than once that nothing happen, which became useless with no 4 keep giggling, blushing and nose bleeding every time she heard Charlie word) Of course that also means Fili and Kili having blackmail for their mother. What those three doing in Bag End? (Dwalin not include, he will go wherever Thorin go outside the mountain) Apparently Dís and Balin think they have become too overbearing and quickly kick them out of the mountain. And all ends well...

That's what they think

But that will be another story altogether.

Of course there will be a wizard or a witch and the dragon. Don't forget the dragon.

The End


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer : Not mine
> 
> Warning : Bad Grammar, Un-beta-ed, English is not my native
> 
> P/S : Something I write in-between other fics.

**Rivendell Garden - Midnight**

William Arthur Weasley or Bill to his closer friend was enjoying the scenery when he stumbles upon Gandalf and Lord Elrond. Learning against the tree, he silently cast Notice Me Not charms and listen to their the conversation goes on, he could feel his stomach drop. He immediately cancels the charms and makes himself known. Lord Elrond and Gandalf look at him in surprise before quickly hide it.

'Mr Weasley,' greet Gandalf.

'Gandalf,'

'Well meet Mr Weasley, I'm Lord Elrond," greet Lord Elrond warmly.

'Hello, thank you for your hospitality Lord Elrond. Forgive me for intruding but I can't help but curious about this Mind Sickness matter, could you elaborate more?," Bill ask politely. He can see clearly as day these two hesitate about it. Well then, time to pull the big gun. Before Gandalf try to dismiss him, Bill quickly speaks.

"Before you trying to dismiss me Mr. Gandalf, allow me to remind you that I'm the one that stand between you and Charlie's crew," Gandalf can't help but blanch. Lord Elrond looks at Gandalf with interest. At first, when he meets them, he believes that Valar had send them here, now he wasn't so sure. One week in their journey, No1 'accidentally' set his robes on fire. It only because Bill stern warning that they left him alone. With a heavy sigh he agrees.

"Very well then,"

**XxxxxXxxxxXxxxxX**

Bill absently rolls the coin on his hand when the sound of heavy footsteps follows by almost silent and soft footsteps. He look to his left and saw Thorin look at him with a heavy frown. Bilbo was a few steps behind with a worried face.

"I wonder when you will show up," he throws the coin up before snatch it and put into his pocket.

"Are you going to cancel your contract then?" Bill snort.

"And face the wrath of my brother and his crew? No thanks. Beside, why should I?"

"Because you know the truth? Because of my grandfather madness that cause the dragon come...," Thorin growl before at him before look away. Bilbo stay silent but Bill can see he's a little bit uncomfortable to be here.

"If madness you talking about, well been there done that, got a scar for proof," Bill said while pointing at his scar. Bilbo face turns white while Thorin glare at him. Bill turns serious and looks at Thorin, "But the madness your grandfather and father had... I may not a healer Thorin, but I think is hereditary. There's a change you might have it," Thorin become more rigid while Bilbo gasp.

"Can... can it be... you know healed?," ask Bilbo.

"I doubt we can heal something that hasn't manifest yet,"

"Ohh...," Bilbo said softly. Bill walk and stop in front Thorin, he clearly can feel the various negative feeling rolling off him like tsunami.

"What," grunt Thorin.

"I don't think saying that I do anything to prevent you from going crazy will do anything good. But in the event you fallen into the madness, don't worry, I will knock you out and throw you from the cliff. Then one of you nephews can be the King," Bill said seriously. Thorin and Bilbo look at him before Thorin let out a laugh while Bilbo only chuckle at him,

"Do you have a strength to lift me child?,"

"Don't judge the book by its cover Mr Oakenshield,"

"I thought you the normal one Bill,"

"Normal is boring, Bilbo,"

"Very well then, in event that I, Thorin son of Thrain son of Thror, succumb under the madness, you William son of Arthur had a right to stop me," Bill nod acknowledge the word that been said by Thorin with Bilbo as their witness.

"Hhhhmmm... I need more backup plans for this," muse Bill.

Only later he end up cursing for instead of one dwarf, he got thirteen dwarves who fallen into gold madness.

* * *

**A visit to Goblin Town**

Storm

Rain

Lighting

Stone motherfucking giants

Their restrain with their magic had getting thinner, Charlie can see it. His brother had been silent and keeps shooting a murderous look at Thorin. For what he did not know, but judging by miserable look on Bilbo face he can guess why. Still, the episode makes them careless and fall into trap. As they fall down, he can hear No3 scream and he can't help but laugh.

"WHO THE FUCKING HELL PULL THE GODDAMN LEVERRRRRR!"

**XxxxxXxxxxXxxxxX**

Goblin...

They are fucking ugly as hell. After their safe landing, they quickly been ambush by hordes of goblin. Their provision and weapon had been strip from them. Luckily, those idiot miss the wand holder all of them wearing. Somehow, those idiots didn't bother to restrain them. Then again, these creatures simply using their brute strength to control them. Unfortunately, during their search, someone (no Bombur, it's not you) accidentally push Bilbo off the ledge. Before they can do anything, the goblins force them to walk forward. After a few minute walk, they meet the most ugly and hideous creature, the Goblin King.

"Damn...he's ugly," muttered No2. No1 agree and said something that earn a snort from Bifur and chuckles from his team.

"You know Bill; I think this going to be a new insult to your coworker. Not that they never knew," Charlie said while grinning at his brother. Bill only snort at him.

"They probably think it a compliment," replied Bill in between the horrible singing of Goblin King. Bill looks around and looks up, his mind make a quick plan.

"Light... bright light," Bill whisper. Charlie glance at him and humm, completely ignore the Goblin King.

"You?,"

"Yes,"

"Young and heirs," chip in No2.

"Shield," said No3.

"Distraction," purr No4 softly. Some of the Company looks at them with confusion on their face. They only grin back at them.

"Weapons?," ask Bill.

"Aye," No1 replied with a grin. Bill looks at Charlie and nod at him. Charlie glances at No3 and blink twice at her. No3 grin savagely before put her hand at her throat. There's a flicker of light before it gone. It seems they completely miss the commotion made by the dwarves, but No3 walk forward followed by No2 from behind.

_"Now, now, now my dear Goblin King~~_

_Don't be a dummy~~_

_Come and listen to me~~_

**XxxxxXxxxxXxxxxX**

Balin watch as the Goblin King and the rest of the goblins slowly become entrance by No3 singing. Before he could ask any further, No2 speak.

"Get ready," he said in serious tone. Balin look at him and turn around. He can see the Mens somehow in position ready to fight. He look at Dwalin and saw his brother come to the same conclusion.

"Very well then," he replied back. No2 smile at him. No3 continue to sing without an ounce of care.

_"I fall into the Goblin Town,_

_Meet a Goblin King,_

_With his flappy chin,_

_I'm going to kill him~~~"_

"LUMOS MAXIMA!," Balin heard Bill yell and a bright light illuminate the area. The light so bright it force him to close his eyes. He can hear the sound on pains and anguish come from the goblins. He opens his eyes and saw No2 and No3 already in front of the heirs and young Ori. Both of them holding a stick and firing lights at goblins.

Magic... they can do magic.

"Weapons!," he can dimly hear No4 yells. He turns around and saw their weapons flying toward them. He quickly grabs his weapon and join the fray.

He going to ask them later

**XxxxxXxxxxXxxxxX**

They were halfway through the exit when Gandalf appear. Thorin can't help but please when Gandalf look shock at them.

"Where the hell are you?," ask him. Gandalf open his mouth to replied but been cut off by Bill.

"Let's get out of here first," he said while running forward. Thorin agree with him and follow foward.

"You late, so we hog the glorious moment from you," said No4 gleefuly. The other only laughs at that.

"What happen here?," grumble Gandalf but still running toward exit.

* * *

**Azog, Wargs and Cliff**

"This seems like a very bad cliché," grin No3 while looking down the cliff. No2 grabs her by neck and pull her back.

"Stop it, you going to fall down," No2 growled. After they get out from the Goblin Town and meet with Bilbo, they been hunt again by wargs, led by an orc. They immediately knew the wargs are different kind of breed. They are faster, stronger and more evil then the one chasing them before. Their presences even overwhelm Bill's Alpha by the pained look he give. Charlie and his crew quickly tag team and attack the wargs while Gandalf order the dwarfs and hobbit to climb the tree. During their fight, the enemies back up arrive, an orcs riding wrags. They slowly being push toward the cliff, which bring their situation right now. The Company tried to help by throwing the flaming pine cones at the enemy. But it only helps so much. No1 and No4 continually making barrier, while No2 and No3 standing at the edge, looking a way out. Meanwhile, Charlie was holding Bill who trying his best to stay awake and not to vomit at the same time.

"We need to jump!," yelled No4.

"Are you crazy? We won't survive at this height!," yelled No2 back. No1 snort at that.

_"We're crazy, and aren't you forgeting that we can do magic?,"_ snarl No1 in Gaelic.

"Not now idiot!," snap Charlie.

"I think we will be fine, it not that deep. But what about them?," No3 ask while gesture toward the Company.

"They will be fine, Gandalf with them,"

"Oh, I won't bet on that...,"

"A... are we... going to.. jump.. or not?," gasped Bill.

"We will. Hang on a little bit more okay?," Bill look at his brother with a pain haze. Charlie can clearly see his brother human side and wolf side are fighting viciously. Bill nodded at him slowly. Charlie took a deep breath and look at No2 and No3. "Both of you first," they both nod and look back at the cliff.

"We need a catchphrase," grin No3, No2 only rolled his eyes but they can see the amusement on his face.

"Well then... Allon-sy!," yelled No2 and jump. No3 cackling madly and join her friend.

"GEROMINOOOOOO!,"

"Crazy... all of you...," muttered Bill. Charlie only chuckle and drag his brother to the cliff.

"Ready?," Bill only nod. Charlie holds his brother tighter and jump.

"Don't worry about us. We will meet you later!," yelled No4 toward the gaping dwarfs and hobbit. No1 already run toward the cliff. No4 sent a fews exploding spells towards the wargs and follow her friend.

"FOR NARNNIIIAAAA!,"

The Wizard, Company and Hobbit didn't have time to think what happen, because the tree they climb had fallen and the appearance of the pale orc, Azog.

(It takes about an hour for them to recover after landing, after that it simply a Point Me spell to locate the Company)

* * *

**Pit stop at Beorn**

Beorn had taken shine on Bill and Bilbo. Much to Bill embarrassment. So does the cats, dogs, and a few wolf much to their amusement. But still, they rest for a night and the next morning after breakfast, an interrogation session began.

"I was wandering, why did none of you come to me, if you know who I am?," ask Gandalf while looking at Bill, Charlie and the crew and Bilbo, who look embarrass. Meanwhile the Company stays silent.

"Because, you remind me of another wizard just like you," replied Bill.

"Like me?,"

"Yes, a man with too many fingers in pie," Gandalf look at Bill in confusion.

"My brother means, a meddlesome man. A wizard who keeps interfering with our affair for his own agenda," said Charlie.

"Your intention was good, but it cause grief and trouble to other," continue Bill.

"So, your world also had them," said Thorin. The rest of wizards and witches nod. Gandalf pout and causing some of them giggle or snort at him.

**XxxxxXxxxxXxxxxX**

**The Dark Object**

Bill and Charlie manage to corner Bilbo on the third day at Beorn house. The rest of the Charlie crew had been task to distract the Company and Gandalf.

"Mr. Baggins," said Bill seriously.

"Bill, Charlie... it's something wrong?," ask Bilbo. Never has he seen these two brothers look so serious. Bill and Charlie look each other before look back at Bilbo.

"Did you acquire something when we get separate in Goblin Town?," Bilbo look at them in shock, unconsciously grab his hand reach his pocket. His eyes look at both of them suspiciously. "Can we see it?," ask Bill again, this time more gentle.

"Please Mr. Baggins, we aren't going to steal it," plead Charlie. Bilbo stay silent for a few moments before give a heavy sigh. He pulls the ring from the pocket and put on his palm to show it to the brothers. Both of them stare at the ring before Charlie grunt and Bill sigh before slap his brother shoulder.

"Hey!,"

"Don't...,"

"It is a full moon already? My shoulder going to be bruise with you keep hitting me,"

"Can you hear it?,"

"Loud and clear. I guess this is how Harry feels,"

"Who's Harry?,"

"Our brother in law,"

"You can hear the ring?,"

"You can't? Interesting,"

"You forget the important thing Charlie, Gandalf,"

"Ahhh... right,"

"What about Gandalf?,"

"Maybe there less item like this in this world?,"

"Still he's a wizard, he should at least feel it,"

"True, than again we kind of in situation at that time,"

"Hmmm... still...,"

"Maybe because we using our magic for first time since our arrival in this world, so it quite sensitive to this magic?,"

"That quite possible,"

"Excuse me!," both brothers look at Bilbo "Good, now I got your attention, what in Eru name is going on," ask Bilbo sternly. The brothers look sheepish for a moment before Bill explain at Bilbo.

"You see, when we meet outside the Goblin Town, all of us feel a presence of magic at you. The kind of magic that make the rest of us quite uncomfortable,"

"That ridiculous, the ring is nothing but a trinket. Beside it helps me to escape,"

"How?," Charlie ask, Bill look at him grimly.

"By turning me invisible. Look, you said that Gandalf can't sense it, so it just a trinket!,"

"We also said that we can hear it whisper,"

"Oh for Eru sake! It just a ring!," Bilbo snaps at them.

"So does the diary. Yet our sister almost die because of it," Bill said with grimace, Charlie nod with pale face, remember about the incident.

"Diary?,"

"Yes, just like the ring, it nothing but an normal item. Our father always says 'Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can't see where it keeps its brain'," Charlie recites the word his father said. Bilbo opens his mouth to protest but Bill best to it.

"You may think anything you want about the ring, but promise us, never wear the ring, no matter what happen," Bilbo look at the brothers, he can see they worried about him.

"Very well then, I promise," both sigh in relieve before Bill ask for the ring, Bilbo put on his hand again. This time Charlie pulls out a small leather pouch. Bilbo can see the pouch been decorate with runes. Curious, he asks them.

"Oh this? It protection runes, we don't think we could hide its presence but at least it could protect you,"

"Protect me from what?,"

"The ring," and the brothers stay silent, refuse to say more. Both of them refuse to touch the ring so Bilbo put it himself into the pouch. Charlie then hand it to Bilbo and both of them bid him good day.

He never told them how suddenly he feel a lighter than before. And that make him afraid a little bit.

* * *

**The Path of Mirkwood**

In another reality, the Company journey into the Mirkwood was nothing but disaster. The forest is like the death trap for them. Fortunately in this reality, they had the Crew to help them. Their magic almost useless in the forest with how thick the dark magic surrounds the forest. But they still manage to do the simple magic. Like producing fire, water or floating spell that save Bombur from falling into enchanted river. Yes, the journey is hard but it slightly better than other reality. Then the spiders appear...

'DIE! DIE! DIE! MOTHERFUCKING DIE!"

"Nononnono spidespiderspider No2 SPIDERRRRR!,"

"Stupefy! Reducto! Yes No3, spider I can see that,"

I NEED NUCLEAR! ATOMIC BOMB! GIVE ME! I NEED FIRE! GIVE ME FIRE!,"

"Do it your fucking self!,"

"WHAT!? Oh right I'm a witch... Incendio! Hahhaaha! Burn baby buuuuurrrrnnn!,"

"Errmm guys... tried not to burn the forest, okay?,"

The Company and the Crew manage to kill all the spiders only to be arrest by the patrolling elves who hears the commotion.

* * *

**Jail House Rock a.k.a the Company realize how batshit insane the Crew is. And realize so are they.**

After the disaster meeting with Thranduil, all of them have been brought down into the dungeon cell (Fili, Kili, Bofur and Nori had to be drag by the elven guards, they still unable to walk properly after too many laugh). Luckily for Thorin, the Elven King is so angry he forgot to isolate him. But after a few hour, the good feeling slowly start to die out and dread fill their body. How the hell they going to get out from this mess? Will they manage to arrive at Erebor before Durin Day?. Some of the Company starts yelling and cursing the guards and some demand to be release from the prison. Somehow during all this, the Crew stays silent. Well not that silent, No1 manage to creep out the elven guards with his language and his wandering hands. But still, they didn't say anything, not even protest. It last for two days, enough to make the Company worried about them and for Bilbo, he can't help but feeling a bit regrets for a promise not using the ring. He can't help but feel helpless for not knowing what happen to them. Until the midnight on the second day, they speak.

"Well dear brother, I don't know whether to feel insult or amuse about this," Charlie voice echoed the dungeon much to the Company relief. (Some of them may denied their affection towards the Crew)

"Tell me about it, the elven really confident that we can't escape from here. Shame truly," Hope rise in Company hearing Bill's word. Before they could ask Bill, they heard soft popping sounds; all of them get closer to the cell bar. To their astonishment, No2 and No3 is walking and doing some weird dance in front of their cell.

_I'm burning through the sky yeah!_

_Two hundred degrees_

_That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit_

_I'm trav'ling at the speed of light_

_I wanna make a supersonic man out of you_

_Don't stop me now_

_I'm having such a good time_

_I'm having a ball_

_Don't stop me now_

_If you wanna have a good time_

_Just give me a call_

_Don't stop me now ('cause I'm having a good time)_

_Don't stop me now (yes I'm having a good time)_

_I don't want to stop at all... yeah!_

And singing apparently. Such a strange song that is.

"Enough both of you, get going, No1 and No4 watch the entrance," order Charlie sternly. "Dwarves and Hobbit please calm down for a moment, Bill and I have something to discuss with Thorin, we will tell you the result later," Charlie explain. Both brothers walk toward Thorin cell, expertly ignoring the protest. A few second later a similar popping sound can been heard and silent descent among them.

**XxxxxXxxxxXxxxxX**

Dwalin watch No1 and No4 with trepidation. He despise the not knowing, especially it involve the Thorin and his sister sons. At the sound of footsteps, he turn and look at his left, No2 and No3 arrive with grinning on their face.

"Hello Dwalin," No2 said and nod his head regally

"What's the situation?," grunt Dwalin.

"Bill and Charlie tried to persuade Thorin to stay here a while. A short break," explain No2 softly.

"Thorin won't like that,"

"True, but if we get out now, it will be troublesome. We don't know where the exit is or how to get out of here without been seen,"

"And it suicidal, with you stomping around like bulls, we going to get caught faster than I can say supercalifragilisticexp...,"

"No2...,"

"Humph..., fine spoilsport," Dwalin raise his eyebrows at both of them. At first meeting, the Company thought that both of them are husband and wife, much to their surprise it wasn't. They weren't sibling either. Charlie describes them as twins with different parents, and just flow with them for your sanity sake.

"Even if Thorin agree, we dwarves are nothing but idle,"

"Aahhhh... don't worry about that Dwalin, we handle this," both of them smirk causing Dwalin fill with dread. Before he could ask, No4 yell.

"Guard, three minute!," suddenly No2 and No3 disappear with popping sound. Dwalin blink and chuckles. So that the popping sound for. After the guards finish their round, they appear once more with news.

Thorin agree.

The plan was simple, Bill and Charlie will scout ahead looking for way to escape, they decide to do it at midnight, where there less elves around.

"Why can't we do it?," whine No3.

"Because, I don't trust you to not do something while scout," Bill said with deadpan. The not innocent look coming from the Crew just cements it.

And the rest of the Company and the Crew stay in the cells silently.

Well as silent as they could be. Lucky for the Company, the Crew had charms their bed to be the most comfortable bed they ever slept during the journey.

_The Singing Competition (1st day)_

It starts as soon as both brothers out of the dungeon. No3 start first with love song before Bilbo replied back with Hobbit love song and Dori sung the Dwarves version of love song. It's slowly degraded an hour later when Bofur start to sing a tavern song. By the end of the night most of the song are nothing but lewd songs much to Dori mortification and the Company and the Crew amusement.

Bill and Charlie manage to find the pantry and raid them without an ounce of guilt.

_The Football Match (2nd day)_

The Company watch with interest as No1 and No2 play with No3 and No4 making a commentary. Both side had small golems as a substitute player. They didn't join as the sport rules still confuse them.

Somehow, Thranduil hairs turn into brunette and moving like a shampoo commercial model for few hours.

_The Gladiator Match (6th day)_

Thorin and Dwalin grins madly at the Knight in front of them, the Crew decides to stay out of this and let the Company have fun with their golem Knight. The rest of the Company sit on sidelines (they lost in fight) and cheer at both of them. Especially Fili and Kili.

The majestic elk coat turn into rainbow colour and Madri Gras bead necklaces hang on its horn that night.

_The Time Out (12th day)_

Bill and Charlie decide to sleep (like any sane person should be!) that night much to Thorin disagreement. Balin try to calm Thorin by saying the boys had been doing that for twelve day straight, they deserve the break. Thorin reluctant agree.

The Crew turns the throne room into Disco Funk theme. Those who come into the Throne end up singing in disco tune the whole time.

"It's pity we can't turn Thranduil hair into afro," said No4.

The Sumo Match (18th day)

Bilbo face turns red when the dwarves shamelessly take off their cloth leaving their loincloths when they hear the rule of the match. He sit beside the girls who watching the fight with full concentration. His ears caught a noise and turn around, his eyes widen when he saw the Captain Guard watch them with shock. He tries to warn all of them when No3 grab him and shook her head. No4 look at him and grin.

"Wait a minute~~~,"

"Next match! Kili vs Bofur!," said No2. Bilbo turn back and watch the fight before been nudge by No4. She point back to the Captain Guard. Bilbo turns and raise his eyebrows at her. The Captain Guard watch the match with the same way the as the girl, only she focus more on the almost naked Kili. Bilbo looks at No4 who smile slyly before chuckle and look back at the match.

Dwarf and Elf, who knew right.

The Captain Guard becomes their regular visitor since then.

Bill and Charlie only sigh in resign.

That's was the only day nothing happened. Nine elves (it's actually ten, the last one was Thranduil himself, but the healer keeps it silent) had been admitted into Healing House for nervous breakdown.

_The Great Escape (27th day)_

They found a way to escape, by barrel. Quickly the Crew dispel all the enchantment surround the dungeon. Bill and Charlie bring back the weapons they stumble across in Weapon Room to the Company and they silently walk toward their escape. They manage to put all the dwarves including the hobbit into the barrels. No1 make a bubble charms for all of them to make sure none of them would accidently drowning during their escape.

"Wait! What about all of you?," ask Fili in concern.

"Don't worry about us, we follow you from behind," said No3 gently while deposit Bilbo into barrel. With a nod and warning to get ready, Bill pull the lever and the Crew watch the barrels fall down into the river.

At the same time, an alarms blare through the Kingdom.

"Well let's get going then," said Bill and jump down. All of them suspend in the air before apparate at the river bank and start running.

**XxxxxXxxxxXxxxxX**

**The Orcs Invasion.**

After the Battle of Hogwarts, a new course had been invented, an Endurance Course. This course later had been integrated into Auror Department, as a mandatory course. One of the popular training was Short Distance Apparation (SDA) which happens to be the hardest course to complete. You only had a few second to memorize your surrounding before apparate multiple times in short distance and cast a spell at the same time. Somehow the Endurance Course also popular within the Dragon Tamer and the Curse Breaker. While most of them manage to pass the test, it comes with a few weaknesses itself. Those who using SDA and cast the spell afterward tend to miss their target because of the vertigo feeling they had. However in this case, it saves the Elven Guards Gate life. Instead hit them; the spells hit the orcs behind them.

Charlie blasts the Watergate narrowly miss Thorin hair before apparate and start firing spell after spell toward the orcs. Bill roots the tree and makes them extra heavy before throw it at the orcs and apparate from a safe distance. No2 and No3 raise their enchanted arrows before let it rains on the orcs and apparate away. No1 and No4 gleefully made a wide area runes and watch happily as one by one the orcs explode inside out. Leaving a few survivors before apparate away. They arrive at where the Company had been rest at river bank, four hours later.

Thranduil, Legolas, Tauriel and the rest of the elves look at the carnage with shock,

"Did you know about this Ada?," ask Legolas.

"No, but now the rest of the mystery had been answer," Thranduil said coolly. Legolas and Tauriel do their hardest not to smile at that.

"Clean up and take the survivor to dungeon, I will question them soon," order Thranduil.

* * *

**After the Battle**

No4 walk toward the not so twin who busily dotted on Smaug.

"Hey guys, listen I got a favor to ask form both of you," said No4. They look each other and back at No4.

"Sure," No4 grin and hand them an iPod. No3 look at it with surprise before shrug and take it.

"It still have batteries right?," No4 only rolled her eyes. No3 grin and put the ear bud at her and No2 ear.

"Pick number 7," No3 nod and start listen to the song. As the song go on, both of them look at No4.

"You knew!," said them at once. No4 only nod.

"You could at least pretend to denied it," No2 said while No3 pouted at her.

"Can you sing the song to them as a farewell gift?," ask No4. No2 and No3 look at each other and nod.

"Sure, why not,"

* * *

**The Farewell Gift**

The Company, Lord Dain and his son, and Gandalf sitting around the fire pit. All of them look at the Crew, more importantly No2 and No3 who standing. The rest of the Crew is sitting beside them.

"Well, Bill and Charlie had decided to go back to our world tomorrow morning, so we decide to sing a song for all of you. As a gift, since we can't give you anything," explain No2. After getting the full account of the event, Gandalf had warn them not to leave any magical item behind in case it fall into the wrong hand. Which at the same time, Bill and Charlie firmly ignore the looks given by Bilbo.

No2 and No3 wave their wands at the small runes with No4 iPod on it. The runes glow briefly before music can be heard from it. The Company and the rest look at it with wonder while No2 stand at the center, bow and wait until the right moment and sing.

_Far over the Misty Mountains rise_

_Leave us standing upon the heights_

_What was before, we see once more_

_Our kingdom a distant light_

Thorin eyes widen when he hear the song. The rest of the Company sits still. Gandalf look at them and smile.

_Fiery mountain beneath the moon_

_The words unspoken, we'll be there soon_

_For home a song that echoes on_

_And all who find us will know the tune_

_Some folk we never forget_

_Some kind we never forgive_

_Haven't seen the back of us yet_

_We'll fight as long as we live_

Bilbo smile gently at Balin, who smile back with watery eyes. Dwalin had tries his best and failing miserably to stop himself from crying.

_All eyes on the hidden door_

_To the Lonely Mountain borne_

_We'll ride in the gathering storm_

_Until we get our long-forgotten gold_

_We lay under the Misty Mountains cold_

_In slumbers deep and dreams of gold_

_We must awake, our lives to make_

_And in the darkness a torch we hold_

No3 stand by No2 side and join him in singing. Bill and Charlie look at the Company with understanding. It finally truly sink into their mind that they not only survive the impossible task and the battle. They finally get their home back. They, the band of fourteen (the Crew not included) had succeeded where no other race can. Just like them after The Battle of Hogwarts. Yes, they have lost someone precious to them, but they finally free from Voldemort reign of terror. Forever.

_From long ago when lanterns burned_

_Till this day our hearts have yearned_

_Her fate unknown, the Arkenstone_

_What was stolen must be returned_

_We must awake and make the day_

_To find a song for heart and soul_

Thorin gather his sister sons in his arms. Fili and Kili embrace their Uncle, then look up in shock when they feel water drops and saw their Uncle crying. Meanwhile Ori grab Dori arm while Nori rub his brother back trying to calm Dori whose weeping freely into his hands.

_Some folk we never forget_

_Some kind we never forgive_

_Haven't seen the end of it yet_

_We'll fight as long as we live_

The Ur brothers held each other's, tears streaks on their face. But they were smiling. Gloin close his eyes, trying to memorize the song, a song that he will sing to his beloved wife and son. Oin hum along side with them.

_All eyes on the hidden door_

_To the Lonely Mountain borne_

_We'll ride in the gathering storm_

_Until we get our long-forgotten gold_

_Far away from Misty Mountains cold._

Lord Dain looks at the Company and smile sadly. He look back at the Gate of Erebor, he can faintly hears the Mountain Voice.

Welcome...

Welcome back Child of Durin...

Welcome back King Under the Mountain...

Welcome back Childs of Stone, may you never suffer again...

* * *

Meanwhile deep in Bilbo pocket, inside the leather runes pouch, the ring roars in frustration for unable to ensnare its bearer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extra! Extra! Extra!
> 
> No1 : He is pureblood with wandering hands. Much to Bifur delight.
> 
> No2 : A disown son from pureblood family, No3 family decide to adopt him. He the stern parent in training the dragon. Love to sing. The sane one between him and No3.
> 
> No3 : Half-blood, joining the Kingsmen program during the return of Voldemort. Had a way with a voice. The doting parent in training the dragon. Love to sing. The crazy one.
> 
> No4 : Muggleborn with fangirls tendency. (Enough said).
> 
> The spider scene : They never get captured, since the Crew violently decimate them.
> 
> The love triangle : Not happen. But nothing wrong with enjoying half naked dwarf body.
> 
> The SDA : It derives from ninja teleportion jutsu. Some muggleborn decide to remake it after war. It became to no one surprises when Harry manage to complete it on first try. Follow by Ron, Neville and Malfoy. Somehow it turns into competition between four of them before Hermione, Ginny and Luna breaks their record.
> 
> Kingsmen : A Muggle Organization fill with Muggle born Witch, Wizard and Squib. During the war, they helping the Muggle Born and Mudblood hiding from Snatcher and Death Eater.
> 
> Bill and Charlie short adventure in Thranduil Palace: They just as bad as the Crew in the prank.
> 
> The Majestic Elk : Thranduil had to ride the less majestic one when its refuse to remove the bead necklaces on its horn.
> 
> P/S : Still can't write the snarks fight between the Weasley Brothers and Thranduil. Sorry.
> 
> The same thing with how No1 and Bifur become BFF.
> 
> Please review!

**Author's Note:**

> Regarding Charlie co-worker, well... I... uhmpp.. yeah, co-worker No1 , No2, No3 and No4. Generic name (laugh nervously) Anyway...
> 
> Please Review...


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